Me at 20's Arc

Chapter 2 of 3

My sister called on a Tuesday night. She was at the hospital. The baby was coming early. I drove there after work without changing out of my office clothes, my hands tight on the wheel the whole way. I sat in the waiting room for three hours. Other people came and went. They all seemed to know what to do with their hands, where to look, how to sit. I kept the stuffed bear I'd bought in my bag. I'd picked it out two weeks ago and kept it hidden in my closet, afraid buying it too early would jinx something. Now it felt stupid. Too small. Not the right gift for this. When they finally let me in, my sister looked exhausted and perfect at the same time. The baby was tiny, wrapped tight in a hospital blanket. My sister asked if I wanted to hold her. I said yes before I could think about it. She put the baby in my arms and told me her name. The weight was so light it scared me. I looked down at this tiny face and something clicked into place that had been loose my whole life. Two days later I went to their bungalow to help them come home. There was a carriage on the front step that someone had dropped off. Inside, the house smelled like coffee and new laundry. My sister handed me the baby while she went to lie down. I sat on the couch with her, this perfect small person who didn't care that I was awkward or that I never knew what to say. She just needed me there. For the first time, I wasn't trying to fit into a space that might not want me. I was the space someone else needed.