Javaun Helios's Arc

Chapter 9 of 11

The road left the castle behind and dropped into a wall of pine. Javaun walked with his pack on one shoulder and his silk robe catching on low branches. He had not spoken since the gate. Ilandra kept pace beside him, her pink gown snagging worse than his robe, though she never complained. She was Javaun's cousin, and she had insisted on this journey after he freed her from the elf's tower. "You're brooding," she said. "You do that thing with your jaw." "I left before I could tell him," Javaun said. "Diamond. I never said what I felt. Now the road is doing it for me." He kicked a cone off the path. "With me gone, any lord at court can court him. The claim that blocked them is void. The way is open." Ilandra laughed, which stung. "You don't know my brother," she said. "Diamond turns away suitors like flies. Silk sleeves, gold rings, poems. He barely looks up. He is the pickiest man in the provinces. No one wins him by standing near him." The trees pressed closer. Sunlight fell in narrow bars between the trunks. Javaun said nothing, so Ilandra pushed. "Why are you like this? You act like you've already lost him. You haven't." He stopped walking. "Because I always lose them," he said. "Every person I chased, I caught. Then I stopped wanting them. And one, last spring, I loved. I packed a bag to leave everything for that one. A knife, gold, a letter. I never sent the letter. I unpacked the bag instead. I froze." He looked at his hands. "I don't trust myself with a real feeling. I trust myself with the chase." Ilandra set her jewelry-heavy hand on his arm. "That wasn't your fault," she said, quiet now, the vanity gone from her voice. "Fear kept the letter in the bag. Not weakness. You feel too much, cousin. That's the opposite of your problem." She squeezed. "I've watched you with Diamond. You didn't stop wanting him when you won a smile. You wanted him more." Javaun breathed. Something in his chest loosened. "You think it's different this time." "I know it," she said. "And I'm glad I came. I would have hated to sit in a chair and miss watching you figure this out." She smiled. "I wish you both well. Truly." They walked on. The pines began to thin. Light widened between the trunks, and Javaun saw the far edge of the wood where the land opened again. He understood then what he wanted. Not to run further and forget. To finish the quest, grow strong as the king asked, and go back and say the words he'd never sent in any letter. The fear that had frozen him last spring did not vanish. But for the first time he had a place to carry it toward. He quickened his step. Ilandra matched him, and together they left the trees.