JC Coldwell's Arc

Chapter 3 of 9

The charm was back in Hal's pocket. The debt was gone. They walked into the apothecary to rest, warm wooden shelves crowded with colorful bottles. Maria trotted after them and hopped onto the counter. Hal reached for JC's hand. JC took it, then let go a beat too fast to scratch the kitten's ears. He felt Hal notice. They sat on a bench near the shelves. Hal leaned in to kiss his temple, right over the scar. JC turned his head. The kiss landed on his cheek instead. Small. Easy to ignore. But Hal's quiet thought reached him anyway: There it is again. "You keep doing that," Hal said. His voice stayed light, but his ears drooped. "I lean in, you lean out. I told you my worst thing today. And I still can't get close." JC's chest tightened. "I told you my secret too." "You told me the fact." Hal picked up Maria and held her against his shirt. "You said you hear everyone. You didn't let me actually reach you." He laughed, but it broke. "Is it me? Am I the too-much part?" JC heard no anger in him. Only the old fear, the one Hal had named at the counter: Don't leave me stranded. And under it, worse: Maybe he already left, standing right here. JC almost gave the safe answer. Instead he made himself look at Hal. "It's not you. Every time you get close, my whole body says run. I've done it my whole life." His hands shook. "My family called me untrustworthy. I learned to keep everyone out. Even you. Even when I don't want to." Hal went still. Maria squirmed free and jumped down. "I flinch because it's easier," JC said. "Not because you're too much. Because letting you in feels like standing with no skin." He swallowed. "I don't want to do it anymore." He took Hal's hand and pressed it flat against his own chest, over his heart. His pulse hammered under Hal's palm. Every part of JC wanted to pull away. He held on. "Feel that?" JC said. "That's me not running." Hal's eyes went wet. He didn't joke. He leaned in slow, giving JC time. This time JC didn't turn. He let the kiss land where Hal wanted it, on his mouth, and he kissed back. When they broke apart, Hal pressed his forehead to JC's. "Okay," he whispered. "Okay. I felt you that time." JC breathed. The wall inside him hung open, wider than he'd ever let it. And through the open gap, past Hal's quiet, the street outside poured in. Dozens of strangers' thoughts, loud and hungry, flooded his head all at once. He winced and gripped Hal's sleeve. He had let Hal in. But he'd left every other door open too, and now he couldn't find the way to shut them.