Kandi Katastrophe's Arc

Chapter 5 of 4

Two days after her mom signed the card, Kandi walked into the hospital to see Willow. She had rehearsed nothing this time. The lobby smelled like clean floors and something too sweet. She counted her steps to Willow's room, the way she used to count crates of anything to keep her hands still. Her wig itched. She did not scratch it. Willow lay propped against pillows. A thin tube ran under her nose and taped to her cheek. Her bone-print hoodie sat folded on the chair, and without it she looked smaller, all sharp wrists and pale skin. She turned her head slow when Kandi came in. "You came," Willow said. Flat, quiet, the way she always talked. "Of course I came." Kandi's voice broke on it. She saw the tube and the guilt swallowed her whole. "Willow, I did this. I broke the pact. I stopped eating and I didn't tell you, and then you—" She gestured at the machine beeping beside the bed. "You collapsed. That's on me." Willow watched her. She did not rush to fix it. "No," she said finally. "I stopped too. We both lied." Kandi sank into the chair, pushing the folded hoodie aside. She almost stopped there. Say sorry, get the band talk going, make Willow laugh. The old script. But Willow was fragile now, tube taped to her face, and the thing Kandi wanted most was to keep her safe by staying quiet. That was the trap. She had done it for years. It nearly killed them both. So she said the hard thing. "I have depression," Kandi said. "Not sad. Depression. For years. I hide it behind the glitter and the jokes." Her hands shook. She reached up and, before she could stop herself, lifted the front of her pink wig. Underneath, the bald patches showed. "And I do this. I pull my own hair out. When it gets bad. It's called trichotillomania." Willow's dark eyes went to the patches. She did not flinch or look away. "I started therapy," Kandi went on. "My mom drives me now. I'm getting help. I wanted you to know before I dumped it on you. I know you're weak right now. I almost didn't say anything." "Don't do that," Willow said. "Protecting me. It's why we're both here." She lifted one hand off the blanket, slow, and set it on Kandi's arm. "I already knew you were hurting. I've known since the club. I just waited for you to say it." Kandi cried then, but she let Willow see it. No smile pasted over the top. "New pact," Willow said. "We tell each other the truth. Both of us. Even the ugly part." "Even the ugly part," Kandi said. She fixed her wig and stayed until visiting hours ended. She had told her closest friend everything and Willow was still holding her arm. The bond held. It just wasn't built on secrets anymore.