Mrs. Falls a lot's Arc

Chapter 2 of 8

Mrs. Falls a lot woke on soft grass, a beer still in each hand. Above her stood a tall tree with fat acorns and a house tucked in the branches. A wooden sign read NUTS WORLD. She sat up. Her belly no longer ached from the beer waterfall. The squirrel from the stream watched her from a low branch, sunglasses on, cigar smoking, a beer in his paw. "You drank the falls," the squirrel said. "That's how folks land here." He hopped down. His shirt said NUTS. "Name's Nuts. You want what I got. I can smell it on you." Mrs. Falls a lot took a swig. "What I got is questions. You said welcome to your world. Then nothin'. Why'd you drag me here?" "Didn't drag you. You fell." He blew smoke. "I know how to stay buzzed forever. No cups. No refills. Just you, wasted, always." She leaned forward. That was it. The thing she chased for weeks. "Tell me," she said. "Trade first." Nuts pointed his cigar at a big burlap bag under the tree. It sagged, half empty. Bold letters read NUTS' NUTS. "Spent all spring filling that. Somebody's been robbing it. I want the thief." "Find him yourself. You got a squirrel nose." "Nose says three scents. Sweat, guilt, stale beer that ain't mine." He flicked ash. "Three thieves. I only got two paws. You help me catch 'em, I tell you the secret. That's the deal." Mrs. Falls a lot stood, wobbled, and did not spill a drop. She wanted that secret more than she wanted air. "Fine. Where do we start?" Nuts sniffed the bag, then the wind. His ears twitched. "That way." He led her past the tree to a clearing. Four women stood there laughing, beers raised, cheeks pink with drink. Acorns bulged in their pockets. "Them," Nuts said flat. "Stale beer. Guilt." Mrs. Falls a lot walked up slow. She knew drunks. She knew how to talk to them. "Ladies," she said. "Nice acorns. Where'd you get 'em?" The redhead grinned. "Off the ground. Free for the taking." "Ground don't have pockets," Mrs. Falls a lot said. She nodded at the bag-shaped bulges. "That squirrel worked all spring. You drank his beer and robbed his stash." The blonde's smile dropped. The four glanced at each other. Then they ran. Mrs. Falls a lot did the only thing her body knew. She fell. She threw herself forward, arms wide, beers cradled tight. Her weight crashed across all four women and dropped them flat in the grass. Acorns spilled everywhere. Nuts strolled up, unbothered. "Huh." He scooped nuts back into the bag. "You catch like you drink. Sloppy. Works." The four women groaned under her. Mrs. Falls a lot rolled off and stood, drinks intact. "Got your thieves. Now pay up. Tell me how to stay buzzed forever." Nuts pulled his shades down. His eyes were serious. "Deal's a deal," he said. "But the secret ain't a word. It's a place. And you won't like the walk."