8 Chapters
Adam Crain's dream is finding love with Willem Jones.
Adam Crain had read the rule his first week in the bunker: no pairing without sanction. He had lived by it for two years. Then a farmhand walked into the library with mud on his boots and stopped in front of the old book stack the rest of them ignored. Adam watched him touch a cracked spine like it was something owed an apology. After that, Adam started inventing reasons to be near him. Today's reason was a paper ledger. Adam had lifted it from the farm office that morning, a tidy sheet of seed counts and harvest notes in Willem's square handwriting. He carried it down the corridor like a man returning lost property. He knew where the cameras hung. He knew the security post above the commissary kept eyes on every junction, monitors stacked in a cold white room behind a sealed door. He had counted three cameras between the lift and the library. He kept his face flat for each one. Willem was at the shelf again, sleeves rolled, a thick book open in his hands. Adam set the ledger on the reading table. "You left this." Willem looked at the ledger, then at him. "I didn't." "I know," Adam said. Willem closed the book. He did not put it back. For a long second neither of them moved. Adam felt the camera in the corner like a hand on the back of his neck. He slid the ledger across the table until his fingers were beside Willem's. He did not look down. Willem's knuckle brushed his, then settled against it. The contact was small enough to mean nothing on a monitor and everything in the room. "I came here to give you a paper," Adam said quietly. "That isn't why I came." "I know," Willem said. "I wanted you to." "They'll see." "They already do." Willem did not move his hand. "I'm not leaving the shelf when you walk up to it. I'm not pretending." Adam had spent his life reading what people wanted before they said it. He had never let anyone read him back. He let his hand stay. "Then we have a problem," he said. "And I want it." Two floors up, behind the sealed door of the watch office, the head of security paused the feed. He rewound four seconds and watched the hands again. He did not call it in. He opened a blank incident file, typed Adam's bunker number, typed Willem's, and saved the file without submitting it. Then he sat back and watched the live feed of the library, where the two men were still standing at the shelf, not touching now, talking about a book neither of them was reading. He tapped one finger on the desk. He had not decided yet what this was worth to him.
Adam found the tablet on his bunk the next morning. It was propped against his pillow like a note from a friend. The screen was already lit. A message thread waited at the top, his name at the head of it. The last line read: We need to talk. Below that, an address tag for the security office and a time, twenty minutes out. Adam read the older messages above it. One said they knew where he lived. One said do not tell anyone. He sat down on the edge of the bunk and made his face do nothing, in case a camera was watching him read. He walked the corridor slow enough to think and fast enough not to be late. He had spent his life reading what people wanted before they said it. He tried to read this one. A bribe. A trade. A warning dressed up as a meeting. He could not pick which. Guessing wrong in that room meant naming a crime nobody had charged him with yet. He decided to say nothing first and let her speak. The security office sat behind a heavy sealed door. Inside, monitors stacked the far wall in a cold white grid. Chief Meredith Hanover stood at the console, short and broad, red braids over a jumpsuit weighed down with patches she had not earned. She did not look up when he came in. She tapped a key. One monitor filled with library footage. Adam watched himself set a paper on the reading table. He watched his own hand slide across the wood and stop against Willem's. "That's you," she said. "That's him. That's a paper from the farm office you had no business carrying." She paused the frame on their knuckles. "I'm onto you." Adam kept his hands at his sides. He said, "What do you want." He did not make it a question. He had decided on the walk over that he would not guess. He would make her name the price out loud, or he would walk out owing nothing he had agreed to. She turned then and met his eye. "Nothing yet," she said. "You haven't been assigned a mate. Neither has he. That doesn't mean you get to choose one. From today, you have eyes on you. Every corridor. Every room with a camera. When I want something from you, I will tell you. Until then you behave like a man who knows he's being watched." She tapped the screen black. "Go back to work." Adam walked out into the corridor and understood he had not bought silence. He had been put on a leash, and the hand on the other end had not pulled yet.
Adam went to the baths because he could not sit in his bunk one more hour. Willem had not answered a message in three days. Not since the security office. Not since the head of security had made him a leash and pulled once to see if he flinched. He took a towel and the small pouch he kept under his mattress. He told himself he was going to soak. He knew he was going to look for Willem. The bath complex rose off the corridor in pale stone and gold trim, arches stacked over arches, too grand for what it was. Inside, the air went warm and wet. Adam crossed the tile to the big soaking basin in the back room. Willem sat alone in it, arms spread along the rim, head tipped back. Steam moved across his face. He did not look up. Adam stopped at the edge and felt the old habit kick in. He needed to know if Willem was angry or only careful. He sat on the bench by the wall and opened the pouch. He laid three crystals on the towel beside his knee. A clear one for what was true. A blue one for what was held back. A pink one for what was wanted. He moved them in the order his mother had taught him, watching the light hit each face, waiting for the small pull in his chest that told him which one had gone heavy. "You're reading rocks at me," Willem said. Adam looked up. Willem had lifted his head. He was smiling, just at one corner. "They work," Adam said. "They don't. Come here." Adam left the crystals on the towel. He stepped out of his clothes and into the water. Willem made room. The heat closed over Adam's shoulders. Willem caught his wrist under the surface and pulled him in close, slow, giving him time to stop it. Adam did not stop it. He kissed Willem once, then again, and put his forehead against Willem's. He said the head of security had called him in. He said there was footage. He said he was being watched in every room with a camera, and that was why he had not come, and that was why he was here now, in the one room she did not film. Willem listened all the way through. He did not let go of Adam's wrist. When Adam finished, Willem said, "Then we don't use the corridors. We don't use the library. We meet here, and we meet at the farm shed after the second bell. I'll leave the side door open. You come in from the back field." He paused. "And you stop testing me with rocks. You ask." Adam laughed, wet and surprised, and said he would. They sat in the water and made the rest of the plan in pieces, quiet, mouths close.
Adam clipped the heavy wrench to his belt before he left his bunk. The tool was the size of his forearm, orange grip, jaw worn smooth from use. He had asked the farm office two days ago to log him as the hand on the corroded shutoff behind the shed. The valve had been weeping for a month. Nobody else wanted to crawl under the pipes to fix it. Now the work was his on paper. If anyone pulled footage of him crossing the back field with that wrench, the trip explained itself. He took the long way past the hydroponic rows. Light came down through the glass roof onto the fruit trees and the racks of greens. He stopped at a tray of lettuce and pretended to check the drip line, the way a man with a task would. Then he walked to the metal outbuilding behind the trees and pushed the side door open. Willem had left it unlatched, the way he said he would. Willem was already inside, kneeling by the base of the pipe, sleeves rolled. He stood when Adam came in. Adam unclipped the wrench and held it up between them like proof. "I have a reason now," he said. "The valve is mine. I can come every day until it holds." Willem took the wrench, set it on the bench, and pulled Adam in by the front of his shirt. The kiss was not careful. Willem backed him against the bench. Adam felt the edge of the wood at his hip and Willem's hand at the back of his neck. He kissed Willem again, harder, and Willem made a small sound against his mouth. Adam's hands went under the gray shirt, up Willem's back. Willem pulled him closer by the belt. The heat came up fast. Adam started to laugh into the kiss because he had not believed they would get this far, and Willem caught the laugh and bit it off his lip. The side door scraped open. Adam shoved off the bench and Willem stepped back, but not fast enough. Chief Hanover stood in the doorway. She looked at Willem's hand still on Adam's belt. She looked at the wrench on the bench. She did not move. "Crain," she said. "The farm log shows you signed on for the shutoff. Good. I'll expect a repair report on my desk by end of week." She let the silence sit. "Jones. You're not on that work order. You shouldn't be in this shed." She looked at Adam again. "I'll be by tomorrow to check your progress. Both of you, separately, from now on. If I find you together in here again, the footage from the library goes to the council the same hour." She stepped back and pulled the door shut. The cover had held. The leash had shortened.
The day after the shed, Adam could not write to Willem and could not find him. The corridors had cameras. The library had cameras. Adam needed one place the lenses did not reach. He walked the atrium at the slow pace of a man with nowhere to be, and watched the angles. The bronze family statue at the center stood on a wide base. The father's shoulder threw a shadow against the back plinth. Adam crouched as if to tie his boot. From that crouch, he could not see any camera. No camera could see him. He slid the small notebook under the lip of the base that night, pencil tucked in the band. Inside, he wrote one line in the cipher he and Willem had used as boys with farm ledgers. Are you still in. He left the book and walked away without looking back. For two days he checked at odd hours. On the third morning the page was turned. Willem's hand, blunt and square: Yes. Give me time. Adam carried the ring after that. Willem had pressed it into his palm at the baths, a thin band with a heart cut into the face. Adam kept it in his pocket through every shift. He took it out only on his bunk, where the camera caught the door but not the inside corner of the mattress. He turned the band between his fingers and waited. He wrote one more line under the statue: Tell me when. Willem wrote back: Soon. Trust me. The waiting wore him down. He logged his valve repair. He filed the report on the chief's desk. He passed Willem once in the farm corridor and did not turn his head. He sat on his bunk that night with the ring closed in his fist and let himself picture Willem at the door. He knew the picture was childish. He held it anyway. The lights dimmed for the sleep cycle. He did not undress. At midnight someone knocked, two soft taps. Adam opened the door. Willem stood in the corridor in dark clothes, a coil of wire over his shoulder, boots laced tight. He put a finger to his lips and stepped inside. "Camera's on a loop," he said. "Six minutes. I cut into the line from the maintenance crawl." He looked at Adam's hand. "You still have the ring." Adam opened his palm. Willem nodded once. "Get your coat. I have a plan. There's a room she doesn't watch. I'll show you." Adam pulled on his coat and slid the ring onto his finger where his hand would be hidden in the pocket. He followed Willem into the corridor. The question he could not ask was answered. Willem was still in. The next problem was already moving toward them down the dark hall.
Willem moved ahead of him through a service hatch Adam had never noticed. The corridor narrowed, then opened into a wide bay lit only by emergency strips along the floor. Rows of broken utility vehicles sat in the dark, hulls dented, tires flat, hoods half open. Willem stopped beside one with a cracked windshield and turned around. "No cameras past the hatch," he said. "Six minutes left on the loop, then another nine here where the lens never reached." Adam stepped closer and did not know yet what Willem had brought him here to do. Adam watched Willem's hands as he spoke. On the smallest finger of his right hand sat the gold band with the black stone, the one Adam had pressed into his palm two years ago and never seen him wear. Willem caught the look. He did not explain. He only turned his hand once so Adam could see it clearly, then reached into his coat and pulled out the device he had used on the line. It was shaped like a wrench, with a small screen in the head and a fan of colored wires trailing from the grip. "This is how I cut the feed," Willem said. "I built it in the shed. I wanted you to see it." Adam understood then. Willem had not brought him here for a speech or a plan. He had brought him here to show his work, and to be seen for it. Adam took the tool from his hand, set it carefully on the hood of the vehicle, and pushed Willem back against the door. He kissed him. Willem's mouth opened under his at once. Adam felt the answer he had been afraid to ask for. He pulled at the buttons of Willem's shirt. Willem's hands were already at his coat, shoving it off his shoulders, then at the hem of his shirt. Adam felt cold metal against his ribs where Willem's ring pressed in. Neither of them spoke. The shirt came off. Willem's came open. Adam put his mouth on Willem's throat and felt him laugh once, low, surprised. A beam of light swung across the hood of the vehicle. It came from the far side, low, narrow, the kind a guard carried on a belt. Adam froze with his hand still on Willem's chest. The beam moved along the broken bumper and stopped on the wrench-shaped device sitting in the open. Footsteps came around the front of the vehicle, slow, deliberate, one boot at a time. Willem pushed Adam down behind the wheel well and crouched with him. He did not reach for the tool. He looked at Adam in the dim light and gave him one small nod. The nod said he had heard the question Adam had carried all night, and the answer was yes. Then the footsteps stopped on the other side of the hood, and a voice they both knew said, "Stand up."
Adam started to rise with his hands open, the words already lining up in his mouth. He knew this guard's face from the corridor rotations. He knew the man had a sister in the farm crews and a debt at the commissary. Adam could work with that. He drew a breath to start talking. He never got the chance. Willem came up from the crouch fast and low. His shoulder caught the guard under the ribs and drove him into the side of the vehicle. The headset on the guard's collar clattered loose before he could key it. Willem hit him once at the jaw and the guard went down on the concrete and stayed there. Willem picked up the headset, thumbed it off, and pocketed it. He looked at Adam. "Couldn't risk the talk," he said. "He was already keying it." Willem pulled Adam past the broken vehicles to the back wall of the bay. He pressed a panel Adam had taken for a junction box. A seam Adam had not seen split open, and a heavy door swung inward on quiet hinges. Inside was a narrow room. A cot against one wall. A folded stack of clothes. A sink and a toilet behind a curtain. A small shelf of canned food and water jugs. On a crate at the foot of the cot sat a screen, split into four feeds, showing the bay outside, the hatch corridor, the atrium statue, and the door of the security office. "I've been building it for months," Willem said. "In case." He shut the door behind them. The bolt slid home with a soft weight. Adam sat down on the cot because his legs would not hold him. He looked at the food, the screen, the clothes folded in his size. "You did this for me," he said. It was not quite a question. Willem knelt in front of him and put his hands on Adam's knees. He leaned up and kissed him, slow, with his mouth open and steady. When he pulled back he did not look away. "It's always been for you, my love," he said. Adam took Willem's face in his hands. "Then we stop running," he said. "We get something on Hanover. Something the council can't ignore. We make her the one with the footage to lose." Willem nodded once. He turned Adam's hand over and pressed his thumb against the ring on Adam's finger. "I've watched her office for three weeks," he said. "I know who goes in after hours." On the screen, the guard on the concrete had not moved. The feed by the security office door showed a light still on inside. Adam watched it and felt the shape of the next thing they had to do settle in his chest.
They left the safe room two nights later, after Willem had mapped the patrols. The chief's private quarters sat past the last monitored corridor, behind a service hatch most of the bunker had forgotten. Willem went first. Adam followed with the bypass tool tucked under his jacket. They moved through the dark in the gap Willem had cut from the camera feed. Adam counted his breaths to keep them even. He had spent two years being careful about who he showed up for. Tonight he was showing up for this. The entrance was where Willem said it would be. A jagged rock formation jutted from the wall like a warning, all teeth and shadow, dressed up to look like ornament. Behind it sat a steel door with three locks and a reader plate. Willem pulled the handheld from his belt and clipped a lead to the plate. The screen glowed blue against his face. "Forty seconds," he said. Adam watched him work and felt his chest go warm in a way that had nothing to do with fear. "You keep saving me with that brain of yours," he said. "One of these days I'll catch up." Willem didn't look away from the screen. "You already did." Adam leaned in and kissed him at the corner of the mouth, quick, while the lock counted down. The door clicked. Inside, the air smelled of cold metal and someone's perfume. The front room held the file cabinets and the screens Willem had described, but the screens were dark. A light burned under the inner door. Adam heard a low laugh, then a man's voice, then quiet. He looked at Willem. Willem nodded once. They crossed the floor without sound. Adam turned the handle. Chief Hanover was on the couch with a guard in her lap. Her uniform jacket hung over the armrest. The guard's hand was at her collar. They broke apart when the door opened, and the chief's face went through three expressions before it settled on the one Adam had been waiting two years to see. She was afraid. The guard stood up fast and reached for nothing, because his belt was on the floor. "Sit down," Willem said. The guard sat down. Adam stepped inside and closed the door behind them. "You have footage of us," Adam said. "We have you. Pairing without sanction. Same rule, Chief. Same council." He let the silence do the next part. Hanover's hand moved toward the tablet on the side table and stopped when Willem lifted the bypass tool. "It's already copying," Willem said. It wasn't, yet, but it would be in a minute, and she didn't know which. Adam watched her count what she had left and come up short. "Your reign is over," he said. "We'll tell you what happens next."
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